Interview: Ms. Soles
Himav: Where are you from?
Ms. Soles: I grew up in Virginia right outside of DC.
Himav: Tell us about your childhood.
Ms. Soles: I grew up in the same town in Virginia until I went to college. I lived with my mom, dad, and sister though she went off to college when I was still little (she’s 14 years older than me!). My parents had me in sports as soon as they could– karate, soccer, gymnastics, basketball, and plenty of trips to the pool and playground in between.
Himav: What was your education like? It could be anywhere, elementary, middle, high, or later on.
Ms. Soles: Lots of learning from my classes and from my friends. School felt overwhelming at first, so many transitions and new routines to learn! Once I was settled in elementary school, and had buddies in my classes, it all felt familiar and easy. I found comfort in my friends, always, and once I was old enough to join sports teams in high school I felt like I had a safe place to be my full self.
Himav: What were some challenges you faced as a kid?
Ms. Soles: My dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was in middle school. It was really hard and confusing because I didn’t know what was going to happen to him, but my family carried on as if nothing was different. We didn’t talk about his treatment or prognosis, he just continued working and added chemo on top of his other responsibilities. I had questions and fears, but I did not talk about them with anyone– it didn’t feel like that was allowed. My teachers didn’t know, my coaches didn’t know, and my friends didn’t know. I felt so sad and lonely sometimes. By the end of high school, my dad went into remission for a few years (which means he made enough progress in treatment to stop actively getting treatment). This was a relief, but it did not completely absolve my experience over the last few years. I spent some time in college asking the questions I wished I could’ve asked when I was younger and developing a more open conversation with my family about my dad’s experience. That is what helped me move forward in a positive way and grow as a communicator.
Himav: Bullying is unacceptable. What positive things could you do to be an Upstander if you felt that someone was bullying you?
Ms. Soles: To be an upstander is to take the role of a bystander and flip it on its head. Instead of standing by when you see something go down that clearly hurts someone else’s feelings, you find your own way to speak up. This looks different for any upstander and likely changes from situation to situation. This might mean you put an arm around someone and help them leave the situation. This might mean you tell a friend to “ignore them” when someone is clearly trying to get under their skin. This might mean you help someone who is telling someone else to stop a behavior by reinforcing the message to stop that the person is trying to send. This might mean you let a trusted adult know about something you saw so the affected party can get support and the responsible party can get help making better decisions in the future. This might mean you make an anonymous bias incident report. When we find ways to disrupt unkind behaviors, we are actively caring for one another and helping make our community a safer and more fun place to learn and grow together.
Himav: Why did you choose Browning?
Ms. Soles: I actually feel like Browning chose me! The school year had already started and Mr. Soles and I had just moved to NYC in August 2019. I had applied to a lot of jobs and had no luck, so I settled on substitute teaching and coaching in the meantime. I asked Mr. Soles if he thought the school counselor (who you all know as Ms. Anselmo!) at Browning would be up for chatting with me sometime to discuss breaking into the field here in New York when you don’t know anyone. Of course, Mr. Soles said Ms. Anselmo seemed very cool and down to earth. We connected over email at first and then I came to Browning so we could talk in person and essentially interview her about her experience as an educator in New York. I felt like she really understood where I was coming from and we laughed a lot. I didn’t know at the time, but Ms. Anselmo was pregnant and a few weeks later I got a note from an administrator about being a maternity leave replacement. The rest is history! Ms. Anselmo and I still laugh a lot together and I have had such a wonderful experience getting to know the Browning community and just what it means to be a boy’s school educator.
Himav: How do you like the students' behavior?
Ms. Soles: Students here at Browning really grow to know one another across grade levels. Even students who never sit together at lunch or work together for group projects have a rough outline regarding what the other one is about. Because of this intimacy, students know how to really show love and care for one another and how to target each others’ insecurities in unkind ways. I see this intimacy as our school’s superpower and I tell students all the time, “Use your superpowers for good!”
Himav: What is your favorite grade to teach and Why?
Ms. Soles: I think my favorite grade to teach over the years has been ninth grade. It is a huge transition at Browning because we have a lot of new faces and it is a huge step up in terms of your academic responsibilities. I typically witness measurable growth from teaching eighth and ninth-grade students and it’s always exciting to see reflections deepen, questions grow more curious, and inquiry becomes more robust.
Himav: What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Ms. Soles: I had no idea!
Himav: What do you think changes kids' behavior between elementary and middle school?
Ms. Soles: Puberty! Transitions at home, socially, and academically! Changing/developing interests! We are ever-changing beings and when one part of us changes, we can expect our behaviors to change as well.
