The Panthly Monther: Runaway Christmas Trees

On December 4th, the first Christmas Trees were arriving in NYC to be sold. However, since their arrival, they have gone missing. 

We have spoken to many experts like me that have reported on this issue, and they have spoken about a new fungus that has infected the trees making them grow legs and run away.

This fungus has been shown to infect humans and is called pituita nasi. All throughout the Tri state area and parts of southern California, these trees have been found wandering through the streets. Scientists believe it comes from the compound foetida vestimenta sua. There isn’t much that we do know about this so we recommend ignoring it as it shouldn’t pose a threat.

In the cases it has infected humans, it has done the opposite. Instead of growing legs like a tree, it gets rid of your legs, so you are like a Gorilla tag monkey (VR game.) The benefit of this fungal infection is that it expands your vocal cords so that you can make funny animal noises like sheep or goats. For some reason it also makes your hair grow faster and thicker. I don’t really know why because I’m not actually an expert. However, there is no way we can prove any of this to be true so do NOT buy Christmas trees with legs until this goes away over next summer. 

So far, it has infected about 8 to 1500 Christmas trees.

We also believe this came from the Government. Browning students however, how brave they are, after hearing the news, heroically protected the school on Monday morning from 8 am to 8:20 am. One student didn’t say anything when we attempted to interviewed him.